fatherhood

People often ask me what it's like to be a father. While it is hard to put exactly into words, I will do my best to highlight a few of the emotions, etc. that come with being "Dad". Even as I try to write this now, I find myself stopping. This sense of heaviness, joy, gratitude, and responsibility fills my chest.

I love my daughter more than anyone or anything (with the exception of God.) It is humbling to know that God has entrusted you with one of his children. There is joy in her smiles, my heart breaks when she cries, and I am filled with pride and admiration for my wife as she becomes a mother (a darn good one, at that!)

I don't know what my daughter's future holds. She is healthy and thriving, and for that we have been blessed. On the other hand, if she had been sick and feeble, we would have been blessed in that, too. As I watch her grow I am amazed by how quickly she changes. I understand now why parents are so thrilled by the little developments made by children. I've felt the fear of sleeping half-awake during Lara's first days in case she choked. I'm beginning to understand the awesome responsibility of motherhood.

Being a father increases my awareness and understanding of God's love. I would gladly lay my life down for Lara, and have a small glimpse at the pain God must have felt in watching Jesus suffer.

I want my daughter to grow up fearing and loving the Lord. Being around her challenges me to live out my faith authentically. At the same time, I must be prepared for the thought that she may, for a season, rebel against faith and truth. In those moments, I must love her the same as when she is good. My humanity rebels against unconditional love (both giving and receiving) but being a father puts that issue right in the forefront of my life.