Enough...

I was reading "My Utmost" again this morning and I learned something - I hate it when that happens. Oswald said, "We must never put our dreams of success as God's purpose for us; His purpose may be exactly the opposite." That flies in the face of my individualistic, goal-centered American upbringing! All too often I am focused on what is God's vision for my life, and even more so focused on what I want for my life.

What does God want? Obedience to him, utter and complete obedience in every way. What do we want? Obedience from God, that he would bend and bow to our every whim and fancy. For further reading, see Galatians 5:17.

After finishing my reading, I went "above and beyond" and read the Scripture passage that Oswald referenced. He referred to Mark 6:45-52. This passage talks about Jesus walking on water after feeding the 5,000. I went on to read the feeding of the 5000 segment, and was struck by something. (I learned two things in one day, I *really* hate that.) The people were and it was late in the day, so the disciples wanted to do the sensible thing - send them away to search for food. Jesus on the other hand, did not like that answer. He told them they should give them something to eat.

I'm a fan of sarcasm. At times it gets me in trouble, but when I see it I can appreciate it because it exposes a nastiness inside of me that gives me further proof that I need God. And yes, I do from time to time need proof. The disciples were being a bit sarcastic (in my opinion) when they responded: "Shall we go and spend two hundred denarii on bread and give them something to eat?" Since two hundred denarii was equivalent to about eight months wages, I don't think this was a serious proposition.

Christ responded by asking them how many loaves they had. The grand total was five (and two fish). You all know the end of the story - Christ divided the people in groups, and began to feed them. Everyone was fed, with leftovers to spare. "They all ate and were satisfied."

Here is what I learned and some thoughts/reflections on this lesson:

We have physical and spiritual needs.
God is aware of these needs and desires to provide for us. In this story, Jesus took care of the spiritual needs first, but did not neglect the practical physical needs of the people.

God provides exactly what we need for any given situation.
There are many references to this in the bible. Daily he provided manna from heaven for the Israelites. In James he tells us that no temptation in front of us is greater than what we can withstand. Paul talked about being content and satisfied in all circumstances. The examples are too numerous to list them all.

Sometimes, God doesn't provide all the earthly means to satisfy, so he might be glorified.
Imagine if the disciples had prepared food for everyone, or had exceeding wealth in order to buy the bread. This miracle would not have happened, God would not have been glorified, and many would not have come to truly know him. Imagine the murmurs in the crowd that day, as they were being divided into groups. I'm sure rumors were floating through the crowd like "they only have five loaves, how will they feed us all?" or "Who is this madman that thinks he can provide for us all with such little food?" even possibly "I'll never be fed, he'll run out before it's my turn."

How many times do we ask these same questions in our own lives? We look at our budget and think there's never enough money for it all. The same goes for the size of our house, condition of our car (or lack thereof), etc, etc. Perhaps you are in a mission or non-profit, wondering how all the services will be provided. Maybe you get angry with God for not providing, wondering why he sent you, wondering if you failed.

None of this is true! God has called you to be right where you are. He provides you with just enough for each day. Think of the manna from heaven - the Israelites received just enough for that day, every day (with the exception of the Sabbath when they received enough the previous day.) Remain obedient to God. Each day wake up and proclaim your obedience to him, then live it out! Look to him (See: Col. 3:1-2; Matt. 6:25-34; Exodus 16:14-35).

Christianito and other thoughts

I had several thoughts this morning that I felt are worth writing down...

This morning I woke up in a sleepy haze - my cousin and I played WoW last night. In a previous life as teenagers, tweens and below we would play computer games for hours upon end. At times we would go all night conquering the monsters or saving the universe. WoW has been a refreshing journey back to those days, allowing for us to reconnect - to talk, to play, and be spontaneous. Anyways as I woke up this morning, I sat on the side of the bed to collect my thoughts and make sure I didn't fall over when I stood (I'm a little slow for the first hour or so normally). Sitting on the side of the bed, I noticed my protruding belly and thought to myself "I am fat in all areas of my life." My discipline for prayer, studying the word, exercise, and more are all but non-existent. As I read "My Utmost For His Highest" I was reminded of sanctification and our purpose.

In American culture, we are very goal oriented. Job performance, church growth, etc are all measured with various metrics. We seek to quantify everything, reducing our pursuit of relationships, identity, career, etc. into "To Do" lists. It's only natural that this would spill over into the "spiritual component" of our lives. I believe this very idea to be a fallacy - compartmentalizing our spirituality into another area which is either partially or fully separate from our work or home "life".

My Utmost said this today:

The characteristic of a disciple is not that he does good things, but that he is good in his motives, having been made good by the supernatural grace of God. The only thing that exceeds right-doing is right-being.

We must seek to be holy, not act holy. We must be righteous, not act righteous or simply do righteous things. When our actions supersede our motive (which should be to glorify God and draw closer to him) we become like the Pharisees.

My challenge to you and me today is this: What are the pursuits, the passions of your life? Are you striving to be a good worker, husband, gamer, mother, etc but not striving to be righteous? If so any one of those pursuits has become an idol!

But seek first His kingdom and His righteousness, and all these things will be added to you.
--Matthew 6:33 (NASB)

The title of the post is "Christianito" because I was called that by two wonderful elderly Dominicans today. Tobias stands at our gate during the day. He is in his 70s but walks up the hill to our campus every day. He always opens the door with a smile, friendly wave and "a su orden" (at your service). Maria (who called me Christianito first) is also in her 70s. She comes to the school several days a week to clean the campus, but each time I see her I am inspired. Maria is, without a doubt, the strongest woman and hardest worker I have ever met. It amazes me to watch her go above and beyond her duties to keep our campus clean. Though it is not part of her responsibilities, she will scrub the sidewalks to get rid of mold. I see her carrying large carpets, moving logs, and smiling with a strength that is not found in most people. You would never know it by looking at her, but she suffers from brain tumors. There are times they give her terrible headaches that bring tears to her eyes. But her lips and heart smile.

These two people are my little glimpses of Christ each day. They work with a humble spirit, cheerful heart, and dedication to their task. Unassuming, they would never call attention to the difficulty of their job. Maria and Tobias smile, they have joy in their circumstances, and they share that joy with others. I was honored to be called "Christianito" (little Christian, or inferred as being called Christian in an affectionate way) by them this morning.

Travel Plans

For those of you interested, here are my travel plans:
11 August: Fly to Minneapolis
12 August: Possibly speak in Forest Lake
13 August: In Minneapolis, then travel to Rochester, MN
14-17 August: Rochester, MN then travel to Buffalo, MN
18 August: Travel to Kulm, BBQ for my HS class


to be continued...

Update from Mayo

The Mayo clinic reviewed the results. They said some of the lab results are conflicting, and further evaluation is necessary. A kidney biopsy is likely, but they will not be sure until they evaluate me.

Thus, I requested an appointment for August 8th, and they are going to let me know if that works. If it does, I will fly into Minneapolis on August 6th and travel to Rochester on the 7th.

**Update** The earliest appointment at Mayo is on August 14th. This might affect my flight dates, but I will keep you posted.

I am excited and nervous at the same time. On one hand I'm anxious to see the Mayo clinic, spend time with family, and know what is going on. On the other hand, knowing what is going on is proving to be stressful. Please pray that I continue to rely on God for my strength.