homesickness...

...It's like a plague sometimes. I love life in Jarabacoa - the sun rises are amazing, the community we live in is like none other, life is so rich here yet a piece of my heart is yearning to be in North Dakota again. I long to spend a fall afternoon walking through sloughs hunting ducks. Or sledding at the dike in Fargo. I miss high school basketball, football games, Alive! practice, coffee with friends. Most of all, I miss my family. It hurts so much to be away for holidays or other celebrations like Micah's graduation (and both of Andrew's graduations...) Even more so just the day to day connectedness that I had with them. There are times I would give anything to snap my fingers and be 30 minutes into a three hour drive with one of my brothers, mom or dad. Perhaps to go golfing with dad and brothers on Fathers Day again.

It is a pain that never fully goes away. A scar that remains unclosed, and I desperatly cry out to God to heal it, but alas, he doesn't just take the pain away. There are times that I am thankful for that. Without this pain, without this longing, I would be severely lacking. I would take my family for granted. I would lose my dependence on God for my strength and peace. That would be a greater tragedy than the one I find myself amidst.

Why should I feel discouraged, why should the shadows come,
Why should my heart be lonely, and long for heaven and home,
When Jesus is my portion? My constant friend is He:
His eye is on the sparrow, and I know He watches me;
His eye is on the sparrow, and I know He watches me.

Refrain

I sing because I’m happy,
I sing because I’m free,
For His eye is on the sparrow,
And I know He watches me.

“Let not your heart be troubled,” His tender word I hear,
And resting on His goodness, I lose my doubts and fears;
Though by the path He leadeth, but one step I may see;
His eye is on the sparrow, and I know He watches me;
His eye is on the sparrow, and I know He watches me.

Refrain

Whenever I am tempted, whenever clouds arise,
When songs give place to sighing, when hope within me dies,
I draw the closer to Him, from care He sets me free;
His eye is on the sparrow, and I know He watches me;
His eye is on the sparrow, and I know He watches me.

Refrain